By Guest Writer

Publishing Note: This reflection documents the psychological and emotional impact of prolonged emotional abuse. Shared anonymously to protect the writer’s safety, it centers the lived reality of survivors.

Allan Alexander Amador Cerantes

I do not speak to destroy Allan. I speak because silence almost destroyed me.

Some forms of abuse leave no bruises. No hospital visits. Only a slow disintegration of self. One day, I looked in the mirror and wondered, “Who have I become?”

This is what Allan did to me.

Allan did not start by yelling or threatening. Instead, he used intimacy. A curated tenderness that masked a deep need for power and control. At first, I felt chosen. Seen. Revered. Later, I was simply erased. No longer human.

Allan courted me until I trusted him. Then he vanished. Returned. Shared private pain. Vanished again. Refused to answer phone calls and WhatsApp messages. Made excuses that never aligned with his “I love you’s.”

He offered promises. Then he didn’t bother to fulfill them. He lied so frequently and with such certainty that I began to distrust my own perception. 

Every concern I voiced was turned against me. In asking for the bare minimum, I became “bad.” I asked basic questions: Do I matter to you? He responded with traumatizing contempt.

Emotional abuse works by eroding your sanity. Your sense of reality begins to diminish. You apologize. Minimize. Wait. Hope.

Meanwhile, Allan moved on to someone else—secretly, surgically, refusing me closure. I could have handled the truth, but he robbed me of the opportunity to make an informed decision by lying. When I confronted him, he simply lied again. When pressed for clarity, he created chaos that left me gobsmacked. Allan intentionally and systematically disempowered me.

I thought:

• If I were thinner, prettier, younger, richer.
• If I expected less than the bare minimum.
• If I were quieter about the discrepancies in his tales.
• If I hadn’t needed anything at all.
• Then maybe he would treat me with the same love that rolled off his tongue so easily: “I love you.”
• Or maybe he would consider me human.

The spiral of emotional fraud nearly ended me.

Many women die in silence from emotional abuse. I almost joined them.

I wanted the pain to stop, but I was disoriented and torn between a bond Allan had carefully weaved and his abuse. Tearfully, I begged him. I told him how I felt about his lies, about his abuse. I told him what was happening to me. I was collapsing psychologically. He did not care.

I contemplated ending my life, making it appear accidental so that it would hurt my family less. I imagined a bottle of tequila and sleeping pills would end the pain Allan caused me.

Many women die in silence from emotional abuse. And I almost joined them. Emotional abuse is that violent.

But I didn’t die.

I wrote instead.

Allan may never face the consequences of his violence in court or a prison. But bringing the gravity of Allan’s conduct to light is another form of justice. The justice of truth made visible. The justice of naming the violence what it is: violence. The justice of no longer carrying the weight of his abuse alone. 

Allan will not apologize. He prefers avoidance and enlisting others in a false victim narrative.

Why speak out now after years of silence?

During my period of silence, Allan hurt other vulnerable women.

Knowing that my silence paved the road for Allan to abuse another woman makes me sicker than the abuse I personally endured.

Allan’s conduct deserves heightened awareness for everyone’s benefit because silence enables more violence.

Reclaiming my power looks like this:

• Telling the truth
• Refusing shame
• Making the invisible visible

If you’re reading this and you ache for recognition, know this:

You’re not overreacting. You’re not imagining it. You’re not alone. You are not too much. You are not crazy. You are not to blame.

I survived Allan Alexander Amador Cervantes’ abuse.

Speaking is my duty to other women, other men, and our global community.

Abusers must face consequences.

Note on Transparency:

In the interest of accuracy and fairness, We will publish any credible counter-narrative or evidence Allan Alexander Amador Cervantes wishes to provide in response to the information on this site. As of the date of this publication, he has not requested removal or correction of any content, nor has he provided contradictory evidence. See: The Avoidance–Image Management Cycle