In every public case of abuse, there is at least one figure in the shadows — the enabler. She is not the headline. She is not the accused. Yet she advises him when to fight, when to hide, when to smile for the cameras.
From years of survivor advocacy, we know these “strategic advisors” often believe they are helping. In truth, they become part of the cycle that keeps abuse unchallenged.
They aim to help act as strategic advisors line-by-line. Sometimes they carry their own unresolved history — bitterness toward another woman, misguided loyalty, co-dependence, or the deep need to feel indispensable to a man in crisis.
More concerning, however, is the lack of qualifications in this highly specialized arena and lack of insight into deeply buried, carefully guarded savage secrets.
Yet simultaneously, without specialized qualifications and without the knowledge she needs to make informed decisions, she is called upon to advise, colsole, co-analyze, and defend. She is an enabler enabling a pathological abuser who cannot be satiated in a tormented intergenerational web of pursue-catch-conquer-discard. Viewing them all–the young, the elderly, the disabled–as Satan’s offering to him. Shrouded in family complicity.
While hundreds of enabler variations exist, the abuser’s enabler normally, though exceptions exists, fall into one of five common traits, which we highlight in the image below.
We encourage those in this position to ask themselves:
- Am I helping him avoid accountability?
- Am I protecting his reputation at the cost of my own?
- Am I prepared to be remembered as the one who shielded a man from the consequences of devouring the innocent?
Silence is not neutral. Support is not harmless. And the “loyal helper” is never truly invisible.
See “Educación” for a Spanish summary on enablers and their role in perpetuating harm.
For Survivors
We know the journey from shock to denial to realization to anger to recovery. If you need support along your journey, we are committed to protecting your identity. Reach out to us by email.
For Enablers
If you recognize yourself in these patterns, the most powerful thing you can do is step away, privately and permanently. You cannot save him without sacrificing your own integrity — and history remembers both the abuser and the one who stood beside him. Contact our Survivor Support Team if you need help.
Note on Transparency:
In the interest of accuracy and fairness, We will publish any credible counter-narrative or evidence Allan Alexander Amador Cervantes wishes to provide in response to the information on this site. As of the date of this publication, he has not requested removal or correction of any content.