Do not allow the perpetration of violence through your silence.
The only way the patterns of violence — idealization, devaluation, & discard — go away is through illumination.
You are not alone. Your voice is valuable. Your confidentiality is protected. You have permission to confront and protest.
No more violence.
I was terrified of speaking out. Terrified for my family, terrified for my safety. The measures I took…the people I had to speak to…the money I had to invest in safety precautions.
But I was more haunted by the silence. My silence was an unspoken contract between Allan and I…a contract that permits him to abuse other women with impunity for the rest of his life. And I considered the damage he was doing to my people, my sisters and I could not live with that.
Many men are overtly violent. Allan’s violence is insidious, nuanced, and experts argue more dangerous.
You can contact the survivor support team for help. They are not about revenge. They are about safety of the women Allan targets and will target in the future.
— Survivor of Allan’s Violence
Incidents of physical assault, Dr. Evan Stark argued, were only the most visible part of domestic abuse. Psychological violence, through tactics such as triangulation, which Allan employed for years and still employs, are a far more devastating pattern of subjugation, closer to kidnapping or slavery, that Dr. Stark called “coercive control”.
If you are involved with Allan and you are sick, confused, depressed, anxious, insecure, angry, and/or engaging in covert surveillance to “learn the truth” — there’s good reason for it.
Allan Alexander Amador Cervantes is a master manipulator. A monster.
Many psychologists are not trained to deal with the impact of this level of sociopathy. He does not care about you because he cannot care about you. Love is a facade, used as a weapon to ensnare you in a trap that helps him avoid loneliness, sexual grief, and his true financial prospects.
You need expert help to deal with this expert manipulator. Do not minimize the weight of this warning.
Do not attempt to confront Allan alone. He will explode with gaslighting rage, blaming his victims, using family and friends as “his army” to evidence his righteous stance. If you are not prepared, you will be destabilized by his reaction. This has already happened to several women.
Reach out not only for support, but for a strategic plan. And take every word on Allan’s psychological profile seriously.