What can you surmise about a woman who has been married and divorced 4 times?
Questions for our psychoanalyst
High Risk
A woman who has been married and divorced four times statistically sits in a small, high-risk group.
Third and subsequent marriages fail at rates around 70–73% (compared to ~40–50% for first marriages), so four divorces is already an outlier outcome rather than the norm.
Several non-mutually-exclusive patterns emerge from research and clinical observations
Selection difficulties
She may repeatedly choose partners with similar problematic traits: high impulsivity, emotional volatility, narcissism, substance issues, infidelity patterns, or low commitment. This creates a repeating cycle rather than random bad luck.
Elevated neuroticism
One of the strongest personality predictors of repeated divorce is high emotional instability (frequent intense negative emotions, reactivity to stress). This amplifies relationship dissatisfaction over time.
Unresolved patterns or trauma reenactment
Early attachment wounds, childhood exposure to unstable relationships, or prior abuse can unconsciously draw her toward familiar (but unhealthy) dynamics, producing serial short-to-medium-length marriages.
Higher standards or lower tolerance for dissatisfaction
Many women initiate divorce (≈70% of cases overall) because they are more sensitive to emotional and relational deficits, unequal power dynamics, or “marital temperature” problems, such as boredom. After several experiences, the threshold for staying in a relationship may become very high.
Impulsivity in partner choice
Rushed commitments, marrying for intense early chemistry without long-term vetting, or marrying repeatedly before knowledge solidifies.
Bottom line
Four divorces doesn’t automatically mean she’s permanently unmarriable, but it reliably signals elevated risk of repeating relational patterns. The most intellectually honest posture is caution: probe the narrative, observe current behavior, and remain aware of unusual behaviors.
Pamela Sue Martin
Selection difficulties: Allan is a narcissist, his infidelity patterns are well delineated, and never married at 44 years old is a low commitment guy. The power imbalance is extreme: She holds all the power: money, access, experience, fame.
Unusual behaviors: Reaches out to a much younger man on Facebook in another country (Mexico), invites him to travel to her Idaho home, pays his expenses, buys him gifts, distributes press release saying he is her boyfriend while he is telling everyone else a different story.
Questions?
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