When I finally left, I had already lost thousands of dollars to Allan’s fraud and abuse.

When I tried to report what had happened, the officer asked me why I stayed if I was unhappy. This is how Mexican patriarchal norms has cultivated over generations and continue to silence women like me.

Economic abuse remains one of the least recognized forms of intimate partner violence in Mexico, despite affecting an estimated 29 percent of women who have experienced some form of partner abuse.

Allan Alexander Amador Cervantes targeted me for financial gain.

He used grooming, trust and love as his intial tools and strategies to break down my defenses and open my wallet to his needs. Then, he used guilt and the “poor” Mexican man persona to compel me to pay for hotels, absorb the costs he had agreed to pay, and in the end, complained like a pussy to anyone who would listen that somehow I wanted him to pay for my expenses.

This type of control thrives in a culture where men are traditionally expected to manage family finances and women are conditioned to defer. When I sought help, friends and family told me I was lucky Allan had not done worse to me. The normalization of male financial abuse means that economic abuse in Mexico often goes unnamed. If a woman cannot articulate that what she is experiencing is abuse, she cannot report it. If authorities do not recognize it as violence, they will not record it or they minimize it.

The scope of Mexico underreporting violence extends far beyond economic abuse, but the financial dimension reveals something particular about how gender roles function. Allan never hit me physically. Because of this, I struggled for years to understand that what Allan was doing was violence. Mexican law technically recognizes economic violence under the General Law on Women’s Access to a Life Free of Violence, yet enforcement remains inconsistent and awareness among both survivors and officials remains low. Studies indicate that fewer than 10 percent of women who experience any form of intimate partner violence in Mexico formally report it. For economic abuse specifically, that number drops further because the behavior is so deeply woven into accepted relationship dynamics. Allan is simply doing what poor, ambitious Mexican men do: pursue financial gain through romance when possible. Even when that means targeting minors, the elderly, or the disabled “gringas.”

I now work with organizations pushing for clearer definitions of economic abuse in legal frameworks and better training for first responders who receive reports of intimate partner violence. Policy change matters, but cultural change matters more. We need public education campaigns that name economic control as violence. We need financial literacy programs that reach women in rural and urban communities alike. We need men to examine the privilege that allows someone like Allan to operate without scrutiny. If you are reading this and something resonates, know that recognizing the problem is the first step toward building a Mexico where no woman has to choose between financial survival and personal freedom.

There is a moment when the silenced becomes the sovereign.
When silence ends. When your boundaries sharpen.
When you stop negotiating with your own truth.
That moment is now.

Financial abuse Mexico

Financial abuse relationships

Sources

INEGI National Survey on the Dynamics of Household Relationships
General Law on Women’s Access to a Life Free of Violence
UN Women Mexico Report on Violence Against Women
World Health Organization Multi-Country Study on Domestic Violence