By Guest Author & Survivor

The first time someone told me that Allan is a liar, a user, and an abuser of women, I was incensed. Outraged! Furious.

I responded to that woman with scathing rebuke.

The Second Time

The second time someone told me that Allan was abusing women, I was angry. I denied it. It couldn’t be true. He is so charming and polite.

The Third Time

The third time someone told me that Allan was abusing women, I paused. I asked Allan about it. The idea was ridiculous, he said. “She’s a jealous woman, she’s crazy,” he told me.

The Fourth Time

The fourth time someone told me that Allan was abusing women, I investigated. I was deeply concerned by the evidence I found. I confronted him. He scoffed. I will never forget that smirk on his face.

The Fifth Time

The fifth time someone told me that Allan was abusing women, I investigated again. Allan was lying to me.

The Reign of Hell Began

I confronted him. He lied. I confronted him again. He lied again. I confronted him again. He created total destruction and chaos while simultaneously kissing me, telling me he loved me, and making love to me.

I Left Him

He pursued me again. Still avoiding the truth.

I left him again.

I Forgave Him

I should not have.

I wasn’t the only one he was lying to.

I wasn’t special. I wasn’t loved. This wasn’t the “Once in a Lifetime Love” we whispered about.

I was someone he was using because he needed admiration and attention. A ticket to the USA. That’s all.

Allan Sexually Violated Me.

The lies. The lies were emotional fraud.

But bringing someone else’s sexual energies into my bed, into my womb. Without my permission. He desecrated me.

I feel raped.

I was being used.

That’s what I live with.

Then One Day He Disappeared

No explanation.

Four Years

Four years of abuse cycles:

• idealization — emotional fraud & love bombing: I love you more than you know and I can’t wait to build memories together; our connection is even beyond ourselves. I cherish and relish all of your being; the purest feeling for one another; I always felt it; I love you since the very first time I saw you with an indescribable strength and passion; I am grateful for your love and kindness. I love you, regardless time and distance you are with me and I am with you, darling.; You are so important and valuable to me, beyond I can express. I love you deeply and passionately; We are building strong and deep memories, as well as pages in our lives. All I need and want is you❤️‍🔥; I am fully grateful for having found each other; how important you are in my life and all what you brought to me since I saw you that first time. You are my once in a lifetime.The intensity of my feelings for you is something never experienced before, the force that attracts me to you is so deep, authentic, and strong that stands on its own feet; I don’t want to be apart from you. You can count on me and I can rely on you for whatsoever. We were as two persons sharing the most valuable resources we have that are time and affection, and what I want always to be the foundation of our relationship no matter how it is named, expressed or lived, while HONEST. The best days of my life and it is because you were there, with me, renewing my heart and giving me what you are in the most pure sense of your existence. I LOVE YOU, I really mean it.
• devaluing — lies, triangulation, gaslighting (You cannot come with me; I was working; I need to cancel our weekend plans -my brother needs me to drive him to Todos Santos; my nephews want me to take them to dinner; I lost my phone in Todos Santos over the weekend so I couldn’t call/text; my mother is planning dinner, she doesn’t like people so you are not invited; an important political figure is in town so I need to cancel weekend plans; I’m translating for court at night; I am in Washington (Idaho) with my cousin (Pamela Sue Martin), I will call you tomorrow, I will call you later, how dare you confront me about such a thing; stop asking me “what time!”; I’m not talking to you about how I feel!)
• discarding — click

Shock. Chaos. Confusion.

Letter Received

Your boyfriend is sleeping with another woman. Here’s proof.

I could have Handled the Truth

“I don’t love you, I don’t want to be with you” would have been good enough for me. I could have walked away years sooner with dignity. With my sacred womb in tact.

Living with Anger

Now. I am angry at myself for overlooking the obvious.

Angry at myself for forgiving him.

Angry at myself for trusting his words when he said, “I want you here with me.”

Angry at myself for not realizing it was all about the money and the USA. It wasn’t about me.

Allan Alexander Amador Cervantes is Evil

I make no apologies for shining light on this truth.

I Hope No One Else Gets Hurt

His public persona is a fascinating study in the art of deception.

People want to believe what they see.

Thank You God

I’m deeply grateful for your gifts.

Violence in La Paz, Baja Califronia Sur

Note on Transparency:
In the interest of accuracy and fairness, We will publish any credible counter-narrative or evidence Allan Alexander Amador Cervantes wishes to provide in response to the information on this site. As of the date of this publication, he has not requested removal or correction of any content.